I wrote this article a few years ago to inspire a few of my single friends to go out and meet women. I believe it can benefit you if you’re still learning how to approach women. This was mainly written for guys who are trying to meet women in bars, clubs, and lounges so please keep that in mind while you’re reading.
If you are new to the approaching women thing, you’re probably wondering what the best approach is. Should you go direct or indirect? Should you come in fast or slow? Should you use a something rehearsed or be spontaneous? Well to tell you the truth, there is no one correct way. But if you want to increase your chances of success…go in with masculine presence and power! Go in STRONG!
Most of the time, I approach fast and strong. There is no, “Let me get the angle right” or “Let me think of the perfect thing to say” or “Let me time this just right”
None of that!
I go in hard and strong. Like a F*%!ng Japanese kamikaze ready to die in the blaze of glory. No worries…no excuses…no remorse! What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection?!?
Ahaaaaaaaaa, the big R word! Such a scary word. It’s the only one that turns grown men into cowards. REJECTION!!! Just hearing that word makes most men cringe.
I’ve seen quite a few rejections in my day. I recall two really bad ones.
The first was a marine who fought in two wars. This guy killed men with his bare hands. He timidly approached a woman and got crushed by the rejection. He was incapacitated for the rest of the night. Man down!
The second was a highly successful business man. He tried to buy his way into a woman’s good graces. He kept buying drinks for this cute redhead and her female friends at the bar. Near the end of the night, she left with some dude that she’d just met. “Thanks for the drinks Richie, but I’m going to go home to get pounded by this other guy. Laters!”
Why did this happen?
These men were afraid of rejection! They both approached women with fear and neediness. They were afraid to go up and say, “Here I am! This is me!” They feared the rejection before it happened. That’s why I think the fear of rejection is one of the biggest obstacles to learning how to approach women. That fear hinders you from being yourself. But how do you cure that?
By making an approach and continuing to approach women until you’re comfortable doing it.
And if you are going to approach a woman (and she is not in a big group), go in hard. Go in like you are going to knock over a football player. This doesn’t mean you should physically sprint like you are going to go up against a linebacker. It just means that you should be mentally solid. No fear! You are going to talk to her. If she says she is not interested in you, she can leave or tell you to f*#& off. But you do not fear the approach and you certainly do not fear her. You are a man, so go in like a man! If rejection happens, it happens.
One day you will die and it won’t matter – so live life like a man while you are still here.
Now here is the paradox. You’d think that if you approach a woman like this you would get rejected, but quite the opposite happens. When you go in hard, it demonstrates so many good things about you – you are confident, you are strong, you don’t fear rejection, you have presence, and you are unique. You just did what 99% of guys won’t do!
Sure she can still reject you, but your chances of rejection decrease dramatically. Why? Because you went in like a man. If she still rejects you, she was eventually going to do it anyway – you lost nothing by going in strong. Dilly-dallying about asexually, keeping it strictly friendly, not touching her while telling her cool stories about yourself would NOT have helped you (trust me, I’ve tried it).
Contrary to what you may have heard, your first impression matters more than you think, but I will save that for another time.
I can hear you now, “So enough theory man, give us some examples.”
When I go to bars or lounges I always try to find out where the seating areas (chairs and couches) are located because I usually plan to bring girls back there later on in the night. But sometimes I get giddy with excitement because a cute girl is already sitting down.
So what do I do?
I quickly approach and semi-sit on the girl’s lap. I don’t use my full weight (I support my weight with my own leg strength) but basically I’m sitting on her lap. It’s usually a surprise for her. The first thing out of my mouth is “Hello, how are you?” Sometimes I follow it up with, “So I kind of want a pony for Christmas.” I know it sounds silly, but always had it lead somewhere.
Other times, I’ll approach girls who are walking in my direction on the street on the way to the bars. I’ll stick out my hands and try to stop them and get them to change directions with my hands around their waists. This one requires a bit more preparation (and has a lower success rate) because sometimes they want to walk around you (since you are a strange guy on the street), but I try to stop them and talk to them just the same.
Sometimes I’m at the bar and I see a girl across the bar and I just go right up to her and ask her how she is doing. Usually I’m really close to her face looking into her eyes.
To sum it up, I want to say that there is no such thing as a perfect approach. If you are going to go up to women there will be some rejections, but they are far and few in-between all the successful approaches (especially when you get better at conveying your personality).
Well I hope this has been motivational and educational for you. That’s what I strive for. Let me know if you have any questions on how to approach women. If you do, you can ask me using the comment section below.