I asked you guys to respond to the video I posted on masculinity and I have to say I’m pretty pleased with the responses. Before I go over how Louie could have dealt with the confrontation, I would like to take a moment to give him credit for a few things he did right.
At the beginning of the clip Louie and his date have just finished having dinner. When they come out of the restaurant, she compliments him on his selection and seems somewhat impressed that he “knows all the good places.” He doesn’t take it too seriously and makes a joke out of it saying, “I’ve been alive for a while and I like to eat.”
He asks her to grab a drink, but her attraction for him is kind of weak. At the same time, she has a genuine concern because she’s working in the morning – so she declines the drink offer. Louie could have given up here, but he persists and asks her if she wants to go grab some doughnuts.
In the next segment, we see them building rapport and becoming more comfortable with each other. They are laughing and she’s touching him. Things are going well and you can see her attraction for him increasing.
But then the high school jocks come in. They start making noise and then the confrontation takes place. So what could Louie have done differently to prevent the date from turning into a disaster?
A lot of things.
But Louie’s main problem is himself. He’s not a masculine man that can get any woman he wants. In fact, on this very date, he kind of stumbled into getting the woman to go with him. Louie’s problem goes beyond what happened in this clip, it’s deeper. He’s not an attractive man. He is a weak man.
Having said that, I think Louie’s problem started when he said the sarcastic and somewhat rude “Thank You.” The tonality in which he said “Thank You” not only irked the antagonist, but me as well.
Louie could have been a little more genuine, instead he was showing his frustration by using a sarcastic “Thank You.” He also said it in a way as if to communicate dominance, something he clearly doesn’t possess. He isn’t dominant in his daily life and he was posing as a dominant guy in this situation. When you POSE as a dominant male, you will be tested!
But let’s say for a second he had been more polite, what if the bully still came over? What then?
Well in this situation Louie had a few options:
1. He could have gotten up, grabbed his date, and left the restaurant. This would not have been effective way of dealing with the situation and would have likely resulted in the same outcome. His date would have lost attraction for him. At the same time, the bully could have even followed him outside and probably beaten him up in some alley.
2. Louie could have started a fight with the bully. Even if the kid is an athlete, Louie has at least 50 lbs him. Maybe Louie would not have won the fight, but he would have at least stood up for himself and kept his self-respect. Although this seems like the right answer and it still would have been better than groveling, it would have led to the woman losing attraction because he’s being aggressive and starting a fight. So fighting the bully would have been a dating mistake.
3. Louie could have stood up for himself. This was Louie’s best option. When the bully said, “If you ask me nicely” Louie could have said, “No” in a calm confident tone of voice.
Yes, there is a small risk that the bully would have hit him, but even if that happened, he would be justified in fighting back in self defense. By standing up for himself, he would have shown that he is not afraid of confrontations. Even if a fight ensued, he would not have lost the attraction of his date because he would only be fighting to defend himself. She may have even helped him if he was on the losing side of the battle.
As you can see after Louie grovels, his date becomes completely turned off. Even though she can LOGICALLY justify what he did, EMOTIONALLY she is turned-off and feels like he is a “loser.” Why?
Because if he can’t stand up and defend himself from a punk kid, how is he going to protect her and her children against everything else?
Again, it’s not a logical decision, this is something she just feels at her biological core. It’s also something she can’t get past. Even though she tries to justify his actions, she can’t get past what he did.
I agree with everything you said.
But one thing that upsets me is that clearly the woman thought emotionally, rather than logically. Even though that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it shows where her interests lie at a very elementary level.
One more thing I ´ve noticed. Louie was sitting when Sean came to the table – not good position for negotiation. If he stood up, it would be a different situation.