15 Dating Tips That I Wish I Was Given When I Turned 21

When learning the rules of the dating game, you’ll be tempted to search for dating tips that focus on specific approaches, openers, routines, stories, or tactics. While these things can work to spark attraction, they won’t really help you transform into a man that will naturally attract women. I know this from personal experience.

Instead of wasting time on the superficial stuff, I recommend that you focus more on yourself and I encourage you to make a mental shift from relying on scripts or routines to incorporating more of your personality into your seductions. To help you with this transition, I have compiled a list of the things I believe will be most beneficial to you when you are learning to pick up girls.

1. Assume Rapport When Meeting Women

When interacting with women you don’t know, come from the state of mind that you expect your interactions to go well. Behave as though they are already your friends and your interactions will go smoothly. Stay positive and relaxed even if women are initially skeptical or neutral towards you.

If you assume rapport when trying to pick up girls, your subconscious will cause you to act in accordance with this. If you expect your interactions to suck or you become nervous, once again your subconscious will act in accordance with your belief. The choice is yours.

2. Build Up Social Momentum

The more you approach and talk to people, the more you will get warmed up and stay in a talkative mode. If you talk to people all day, you will find it easier to talk to girls when you go out at night. Thus you shouldn’t wait to talk only to the girls you like. Instead, you should comment on things, make friendly jokes, and have fun with everyone you meet throughout the day. This means chatting with service people, people in line, people in supermarkets, cashiers, or anyone around you.

When you do go out, don’t just approach the women your find attractive. Talk to anyone that is in your vicinity. Talk to people with the desire to have the interaction for the sake of having the interaction.

When you are out at a place solely for the purposes of picking up girls, it tends to ramp up the pressure. That pressure will lead to emotional highs and lows. If you start having a negative emotional shift, it will start to multiply itself and soon you’ll want to avoid talking to anyone. By socializing with everyone you will eliminate a lot of the pressure that comes from meeting women. When you have no expectations and are just socializing, if an interaction doesn’t go well then you will be less likely to beat yourself up because of it.

3. Approach, Approach, Approach

Most guys won’t succeed at picking up girls because they don’t approach enough women. An average guy will approach about one woman per night, if the interaction doesn’t go well, he will typically not try to pick up another girl. If he does approach another girl and she also rejects him, his night will be over. Don’t let this be you! Man up and keep approaching women until you find one who is interested in you.

While having pick up skills is an important part of the formula, don’t forget that it is also a bit of numbers game. The more approaches you make, the more likely you are to find a girl that likes you. This doesn’t mean you constantly have to be approaching girls, it just means that you should not give up if you’ve tried a couple of times.

4. Don’t Worry About Reactions

Girls are very emotional so the reactions in your interactions will vary. They have different personalities and different things going on. Some girls will like you, others will be neutral, and others will want to avoid you. Sometimes it’s the timing, sometimes it’s the place, sometimes it’s a the day, and yes sometimes it’s you.

Don’t take women’s’ bad reactions or good reactions too seriously. If you become attached to either, the bad ones will affect you way more and will make you get in your head. You should not get emotional or unbalanced when interacting with a woman. Do not react to emotional outbursts, shouting, bitch fits, crazy talk, or manipulation. By this, I mean don’t act like stuff is a big deal and don’t get emotional. Just relax. Be more aloof, like an uncaring jerk.

If you get emotionally affected – remember to breathe, hold eye contact, and if you must say something just say, “Ok, cool.” Just that. You can do a lot with eye contact. Treat rejection or bad reactions as feedback to the way you interacted and not a rejection of who you are.

Remember to always have a positive outlook and mindset when you interact with women. Do not let them ruin your mental state. Don’t bring a previous interaction’s baggage into new interactions. The current girl hasn’t rejected you. If you bring baggage into a new interaction, all you are doing is sabotaging yourself. So treat each interaction as a fresh start.

5. Set Very Low Standards For Success

If you set the bar low, for example just coming up and saying “Hi” to a girl you like – you will make things WAY easier on yourself and your brain won’t mess you up. So set easy goals and pat yourself on the back for just acting on them regardless of the result.

The very act of setting the bar low will make it easier for you to succeed. After you succeed you will gain more confidence which will make you go after bigger goals. You have to crawl before you can walk. And you have to walk before you can run. Make it easy on yourself – just don’t forget to gradually move the bar higher.

Remember to have fun.  Meeting women shouldn’t be work, and if it feels like work you’re unlikely to be sending the right sub-communications.

6. Ask Open Ended Questions Instead of Yes/No Questions

This prevents you from being the typical guy and turning the interaction into an interview. When you ask open ended questions it allows people to answer in detail about the subject.

Example: Asking about the type of work they do.

“So you are a teacher, do you like what you do?”- Possible Responses: yes/no/a little (limited)

“So you are a teacher, what is it about your job that you like? – Possible Responses: anything (unlimited)

Notice the difference?

Open ended questions give you limitless opportunities to keep the conversation going.

7. Take Risks

When you see a girl you want to talk to, act immediately. Approach her even if you don’t know what to say. If you see she is into you, don’t be afraid to escalate. This applies especially to touching, kissing, or other sexual acts. Guys who take risks are attractive. This is the difference between having dates and being alone.

If for some reason you get in a mental funk after a really bad reaction, the best thing to do is to go sit down, drink some water, and unplug yourself. Just give yourself 10-15 minutes and relax. Don’t look around; don’t think about anything, just space out. Then get back in the game.

If you take a time out and are still in a bad mental state, then leave the place you are at and go to a new place. This will alleviate the problem and you should be able to start approaching women again.

8. Become Comfortable Touching Women

Most guys are afraid to touch girls from the beginning of the interaction. I used to be one of them, but let me tell you one of the best dating tips I ever got: Whenever you approach two or more girls, immediately touch the girls in an appropriate way.

I usually tap them on their upper arm or do high fives or fake elbow bump or friendly hip checks or the fist bump. Or hug them “Brrrr it’s cold!” (as I put my arms around them and hug them). Pretend the girls are your best friends, how would you act around them?

That’s right – completely comfortable!

Girls will sense your comfort level and be comfortable around you. The faster you touch and do it comfortably the better. A quick warning, if you are not comfortable it will be apparent and you will make things very awkward. The secret here is very much like a leap of faith. Think Indian Jones in The Temple of Doom. You have to believe she is your friend even though there is no proof.

9. Have Confident Body Language and Tonality

Focus on your body language. Your chest should be out, with your head slightly back, your ass tucked in, and your stomach muscles tight. Look at the protagonists in the movies. They always walk around confidently.

Don’t be afraid to take up space. Walk around like it’s your home. Feel at ease wherever you go. Relax. Don’t move around like a spastic ADD monkey. Take your time.

10. Learn to Be Socially Intelligent

Everything is determined by your value in interactions and there are a ton of subtleties that would take me a really long time to break down. For now always be aware of what other people are doing and saying and try to read between the lines.

Be aware of what you are saying and what is being said. Be aware of the interactions and the sub-communication. Are you trying to impress others or are you stating things in a matter of fact way? Are you talking fast because you are afraid the women will leave? Are you more comfortable then the people you are talking to? Who is trying harder? Are you trying to win the approval of others or are they trying to get your approval? Are you trying too hard to break rapport as a way to protect your ego?

At the same time, don’t be stuck over analyzing things. Don’t get in your head about what is being said and what you said. Be aware, but don’t over-think things.

11. Look to What a Girl Does Over What She Says

Always look to what a girl does over what she says. Look to her actions over what she is saying. Do not go by what she is saying. Take it into account sure, but look at her actions. If she says, “We are not having sex” but she is still talking to you at the bar and she has not left, well know that sex is definitely on her mind because why would she be talking to you or bring it up if she didn’t want to have sex. Likewise if she tells you she hates jerks, but that’s all she’s dated in the past….hmmmm…she is attracted to jerks!

12. Have a Plan

Before going out to meet women you should have a game plan. A game plan will help you in case you have the opportunity to hook up with a girl. If you do not know how to pick up girls, then the girls you meet will rarely help you out.

Having a game plan will alleviate this problem. It’s the difference between being the chess piece or being the person playing chess. If you are prepared and have a plan things will naturally flow in your direction. This means that you:

a. Are familiar with your environment. Know where you are going to lead the girl. If you are going to approach women at a mall, you should know where you will lead them to spend more time with you. This could mean you know where the food court is or where a nearby coffee shop is and you will suggest the two of you walk there.

b. Are always prepared for action. Take pride in your appearance. Keep your hair stylishly cut, and have a modern style of dressing. Always carry two condoms in your wallet. In my opinion, the biggest advantage here comes internally (you gain confidence by being well dressed)… but it does help versus a total lack of fashion sense.

c. Have a reason to take a girl her to another venue, your car, or your house. Drinks, music, movies, etc. You want to have a reason to hang out other than sex, even if both of you know that is the main reason.

d. Have a contingency plan in case what you planned doesn’t work out. For example, she doesn’t drink, she doesn’t like music, or hates movies. Have a backup plan.

13. Have a Set of Goals for Each Time You Go Out

In order to become better at picking up girls you need to focus on a particular set of skills each time you go out with the intent of talking to women. Have one main big goal and a smaller goal. You can focus on approaching groups of people that have women as well as guys in them.  You can focus on attempting to try to kiss a girl you are having a good interaction with.

When picking up girls, this will keep you focused. It will give you direction. Instead of waiting for things to happen you will instead go out and make them happen. As you start achieving your goals, this will have a positive effect on your confidence.

14. Journal about Your Experiences in Detail to Learn from Them

This is one of the best dating tips I could ever give you: document your interactions in a journal. Do not post it online for the world to see. Instead, keep it to yourself. Write down everything and analyze your interactions truthfully. If you can understand what you are doing right, you can focus on your strengths and speed up the time it takes you to pick up girls.

The journal will also document your progress, if you read something you wrote three months earlier, you will notice your steady but continuous improvement. Your journal will also keep you motivated to keep going. This is one of the main things that helped me advance quicker than most of the other players in the seduction community.

15. Don’t Read Too Much Seduction Material

Don’t get caught up in reading hours and hours of seduction material. Read an article or learn a technique and then go out and practice.  For every hour of material you read, you should spend at least 5 hours practicing talking to women. If you haven’t put in 5 hours and you want to read something, go out and talk to more women.

Another reason not to read too much seduction material is that you will start to doubt yourself when you go out. You will be over thinking your interactions because you’re relying on some guru’s perspective instead of your own. Instead of relaxing and focusing on your interaction you will start analyzing it through the filter of what you read. The best thing to do is read something only if you have a point in the interaction where you continuously get stuck (aka sticking point). If you are continually failing in a particular area, it’s good to do some research. Otherwise rely on your own intuition and mind.

The dating tips above are the foundation to learning to pick up girls. It’s easy to be seduced by the flashiness of tactics and techniques, but if you want to truly have an abundance of women in your life, you should work on the 15 points above before doing anything else. A big part of learning how to attract women will come from evolving yourself as a man.